You’ve started to plan your wedding, it is all very exciting; which flowers to choose, which colour multi-way dress to order for your bridesmaids, where to hold the reception, who to have as your bridal party – there are so many lovely details to think about!
However, before long, you start to notice some opinions sifting through from one person or another…. In fact it seems as though everybody has an opinion, even if it is presented in a subtle way…. And that poses a lot of practical and emotional issues during the wedding planning process…..
In the modern day of weddings, we are led to believe that the marriage revolves around the wants and needs of the bride and groom. “Enjoy it, it is your special day”, “It was be the most incredible day of your life” people say. But what we don’t tend to find out until later down the line is that actually, unless you actually want a wedding a certain way that falls in line with what various family members and friends want – it can easily fall through your fingers and become the wedding everyone else wants, and it doesn’t end up being your special day at all.
YOU CAN MAKE IT YOUR SPECIAL DAY
There will be no getting away from the many, many opinions you will find coming your way while you plan your wedding. Some opinions will come in the form of a disconcerted frown, a steely eyed look, an eye roll, or even just a sigh and a look around the room. Some opinions will come with gentle and uncomfortable facial expressions, mild words and suggestions. Some opinions will be enthusiastic and bouncy and in your face and well-meaning. Some opinions will be very strong, very hard to shift, and might even involve some emotional manipulation. What is complete fact is that opinions will be coming your way thick and fast. The key to surviving this onslaught of ‘If I were you’s’?
REMEMBER, THEY ARE JUST OPINIONS.
As long as you politely thank people for their opinions, you will be able to filter out a lot of the issues that come with the way other people see things. Smile, be curious and listen, but know that you don’t have to follow someone’s opinion. A wedding is a very personal experience and although their advice might be useful, it might also be very very biased, so take it on board, but with a pinch of salt. A lot of people just want to reminisce about their wedding, which is something you’ll hopefully want to do if you stick to planning the wedding you want.
The tough decisions are yours to make.
Try not to get dragged into everyone else’s emotions about tough decisions
There will be some considerations that may well be emotional. For example; if you have your wedding in Sardinia, your 80 year old grandma might not be able to come. Or if you don’t get married in a church, your religious family member may be disappointed. Perhaps a wedding in the far end of the country might be too expensive for Uncle Terry to attend. These issues will arise whatever you do, and it is hard not to get dragged into the emotion of it straight away. And that’s OK. The issue isn’t actually the emotions of the decision because there will always be compromises. You might have to quietly pay for a guest to attend, or let family members down who can’t fly abroad but invite them to an ‘after party’ back at home. You might even have to disappoint people you love very much. But these are your decisions which of course you will think about hard and deeply. The problem comes after you make these decisions and everyone has an opinion on it. You must learn to filter these opinions out and stick to your own choices. Because, yes you’ve guessed it, you can’t and won’t keep everybody happy and yes you’ve guessed it again – you don’t have to.
When planning a wedding, to keep it your own remember to:
- Take information, opinions and advice from friends and family in a polite and thankful way, but with a pinch of salt
- Be considerate – being considerate doesn’t mean pandering to how people feel, but ensuring they know their feelings are valued (there’s a big difference!)
- Be a team – ensure you and your partner are a strong team during the planning, so you don’t end up catching hearsay and having arguments about the he said she saids that will happen. Have plenty of discussions so both your visions and feelings on the wedding align outwardly
- Be flexible where you want to be flexible – there is room for compromise, as long as it is where you want to compromise. So, perhaps you want to quietly pay for Uncle Terry to come to the wedding because you love him and want him there, not because Mum thinks it will be a disgrace if you have the wedding far away and Uncle Terry couldn’t attend. Or perhaps you want to get your bridesmaids multiway bridesmaid dresses because they are all different shapes and you want them all to feel confident on the big day.
Remember Why You’re Doing It
Aside from all our advice above, if there’s one thing that will get you through the tough times during your wedding planning, it is remembering why you’re doing all of this. When you’re nipple deep in post it notes, crying down the phone at your best friend because it’s all too much, remember why you’re doing it all – for love. Think of your partner’s face, and imagine him or her smiling at you as you say your vows. As a team, you will both get there and have the most incredible wedding that you both want. As long as you remember why you’re doing it, you’ll feel strong enough to drift through all the opinions and plan a big day that truly belongs to both of you.